there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
