I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
