I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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