sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
