You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
