We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
