the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
