2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
