I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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