Jerry, you need to find god
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
