i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
