Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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