I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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