the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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