$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
