Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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