I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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