You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
