I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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