where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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