I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
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Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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