Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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