Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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