the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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