I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
