she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
