Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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