there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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