So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
