i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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