I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
