I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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