how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I think I won the penis lottery.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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