Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
