I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Everything about him screamed your future.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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