Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
