so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
