It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Randomize
