Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
