If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
