I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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