Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
