Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
