She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
