i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
