I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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