Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
