Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
