Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
