Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
