just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
