redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
