yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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