Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
