yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This house was built for laser tag.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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