She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
