Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Whod you bang
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
