Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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