I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
