OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
