watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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