I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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