shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
