smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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