I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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