I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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