Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
