All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
