I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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