I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
