you have to choose: penises or morals?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
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Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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