Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
