My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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