dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
