I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I look better un-naked...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
